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The Journey to Discovering My Attachment Style and How it Changed My Perspective on Love

Writer's picture: Rachel Brandwene, LCSWRachel Brandwene, LCSW

For most of my life, I struggled with an anxious attachment style that deeply impacted my perspective on love. I constantly found myself fearing vulnerability and struggling to trust others because of past wounding. My inner voice was a constant source of criticism, telling me that I was unworthy of love and that no one could truly accept me for who I was. As a result, I often put others' needs before my own, out of fear of setting boundaries and risking rejection.


But as I continued to learn more about attachment theory and somatic therapy, I discovered that our attachment styles are not fixed, but rather more fluid. This realization was a game-changer for me. I began to understand that our early childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping our attachment styles, but that we have the power to change and grow throughout our lives.


One of the key factors in developing a more secure attachment style is consistency. Consistency in our relationships and our self-care practices can help us build a sense of safety and trust that supports healthy attachment. This means showing up for ourselves and our loved ones in a consistent and reliable way, and prioritizing self-care practices that support our nervous system regulation.

Here are some helpful tips and first steps that you can take to start your journey towards healing and developing a more secure attachment style:

  1. Educate yourself about attachment theory: Learning about the science behind attachment styles and how they impact our relationships is a powerful first step. Read books or articles, take online courses, or seek out a practitioner who specializes in attachment healing.

  2. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that your attachment style is not a personal failing, but a learned response to past experiences. Practice self-care and mindfulness to cultivate a deeper sense of safety and trust within yourself.

  3. Tune in to your body: Somatic therapy can be incredibly helpful in developing a secure attachment style. Learn to tune in to your body's sensations and practice regulating your nervous system through deep breathing, meditation, or movement practices like yoga.

  4. Seek out support: Healing from past wounds and developing a secure attachment style is a journey that can be challenging at times. Seek out the support of a therapist or join a support group to connect with others who are on a similar path.

  5. Take the free attachment style archetypes quiz (LINKED HERE) to find out your attachment style.

Through my journey of self-discovery and healing, I discovered the power of self-compassion and intentional practices. With the help of somatic therapy, I learned to tune in to my body and cultivate a deeper sense of safety and trust within myself that supported a more secure attachment style.


As a trauma-trained Somatic Practitioner, I am passionate about helping others on their own attachment healing journeys. If you can relate to any of these struggles, know that you are not alone. I invite you to take the attachment style archetypes quiz and start your own journey towards healing and self-discovery!

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Rachel Brandwene, LCSW

4847 Hopyard Rd. Ste 4-244​​

Pleasanton, CA 94588

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7901 4th St N Ste 300
St. Petersburg, FL 33702

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rachel@rachelbrandwene.com

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I'm a licensed therapist & somatic practitioner dedicated to helping you uncover and heal the root of your unhealthy relationship patterns, particularly fears of abandonment. Using evidence-based tools, I guide you in understanding and responding to your unique nervous system needs, enabling you to build secure relationships where you feel safe, seen, and heard enough to express yourself without waiting for the other shoe to drop.​

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