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  • Writer's pictureRachel Brandwene, LCSW

The Journey to Discovering My Attachment Style and How it Changed My Perspective on Love

For most of my life, I struggled with an anxious attachment style that deeply impacted my perspective on love. I constantly found myself fearing vulnerability and struggling to trust others because of past wounding. My inner voice was a constant source of criticism, telling me that I was unworthy of love and that no one could truly accept me for who I was. As a result, I often put others' needs before my own, out of fear of setting boundaries and risking rejection.


But as I continued to learn more about attachment theory and somatic therapy, I discovered that our attachment styles are not fixed, but rather more fluid. This realization was a game-changer for me. I began to understand that our early childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping our attachment styles, but that we have the power to change and grow throughout our lives.


One of the key factors in developing a more secure attachment style is consistency. Consistency in our relationships and our self-care practices can help us build a sense of safety and trust that supports healthy attachment. This means showing up for ourselves and our loved ones in a consistent and reliable way, and prioritizing self-care practices that support our nervous system regulation.

Here are some helpful tips and first steps that you can take to start your journey towards healing and developing a more secure attachment style:

  1. Educate yourself about attachment theory: Learning about the science behind attachment styles and how they impact our relationships is a powerful first step. Read books or articles, take online courses, or seek out a practitioner who specializes in attachment healing.

  2. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that your attachment style is not a personal failing, but a learned response to past experiences. Practice self-care and mindfulness to cultivate a deeper sense of safety and trust within yourself.

  3. Tune in to your body: Somatic therapy can be incredibly helpful in developing a secure attachment style. Learn to tune in to your body's sensations and practice regulating your nervous system through deep breathing, meditation, or movement practices like yoga.

  4. Seek out support: Healing from past wounds and developing a secure attachment style is a journey that can be challenging at times. Seek out the support of a therapist or join a support group to connect with others who are on a similar path.

  5. Take the free attachment style archetypes quiz (LINKED HERE) to find out your attachment style.

Through my journey of self-discovery and healing, I discovered the power of self-compassion and intentional practices. With the help of somatic therapy, I learned to tune in to my body and cultivate a deeper sense of safety and trust within myself that supported a more secure attachment style.


As a trauma-trained Somatic Practitioner, I am passionate about helping others on their own attachment healing journeys. If you can relate to any of these struggles, know that you are not alone. I invite you to take the attachment style archetypes quiz and start your own journey towards healing and self-discovery!

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